life changing moments

It appears that our attorney is moving forward with the custody issue without a response from the mama. How can she dare to face the judge without having made some strides? Now what does that mean exactly? Does that mean that the mama is unable to step forward and make changes in her life that would enable her to have her children in her home. Or does that mean she is unwilling to do so. Is it a combination? She has had almost one entire year - ok 10 months - to make some measurable chanages in her life and she has not done it. Why? Why? Why? Is she so self consumed that she can't bring herself to sacrifice for her kids? Does she think the kids will be better off where they are and just can't bring herself to say so? What do you tell a child when she asks Why? without hurting her terribly? She will learn some sad truths soon enough in her life with her situation with her mother and her father. I have told the child that her mama is sick and can't really take care of her everyday anymore. She understands what it's like to be sick but she is also aware that people get better when they are sick. She does.

Months ago our attorney told us that the mama would continue to mess things up and to be patient. We would not have to do anything "to" her, that she would do it herself. It turns out that he was right. How sad. I have been anxoius about having this temporary custody thing over with, to have it settled and wanted some action. But as it gets closer it bothers me that the child will have to puzzle this out over her little life. One of her new school mates asked me yesterday if I was the girl's mama. I told her no, that I was her MawMaw and asked her if she had a MawMaw,etc. All of her other mates know me very well and some will run up to me to get a hug when I go to pick her up.

This brings up old feelings of what we were to do and say about adoption when we got our son at age 3 days and how being adopted has affected his entire life. A book I read said that adopted kids have a longing for their birth parents even if they don't know that they are adopted. It is not recognized as a longing unless the person is told of the adoption, so they don't even know what's bothering them. Then there is the old painful truth that there are so many people out there who can't have children naturally and who are hurt even more by these people who don't seem to want the kids they have.

Our girl will know full well that she started out in one place and ended up in another. We work diligently to let her know whe is loved and valued. She has another set of loving grandparents who are loosely invovled in her life since they are raising their own young son and now our girl's half sister who is about to have her first birthday. They love her dearly and want her around them, too. The girl is not too keen on staying there without her mama. Then she will have this mama "out there" who seems to me to be less and less involved. She already calls less and less about her. At the same time she is moving into a large mobile home so each child will have their own room. Hello?

The girl is back.

The girl has been gone since Wednesday, spending time with her other grandmother and family, including her mama, and siblings and cousins. Hubby said earlier today that he thinks they will be calling to let her come back soon. I said, What, they still have the weekend.... well while we were at the grocery, we got a call from her mama. I thought she was calling to ask if she could take her home with her to stay tonight just the two of them. No, that's not what she wanted. She wanted to bring her to me shortly. I told her we would come get her, she said no she would bring her and she did. We had been home maybe 10 minutes when they arrived. She seemed happy to see us and very happy to see the dogs. She dicided she would stay!. It didn't take her long to get back in stride here. And she was asleep by 8:30. No nap, and played hard. Her mama had said that she - the mama - was on overdrive. When she got here she told me that her mom, not the girl, had been sending her over the edge. I asked her if she was seeing the doctor, etc. She said yes. She and Dylan seemed to get along fine until she asked Dylan if he was making any money and if so why he wasn't giving us any or buying anything for Chloe. That set him on edge and I had to tell them twice to stop the bickering. She didn't stay long after that, but seemed comfortable here. Weird. Unstable and weird.

Thanksgiving

OK, I'm in line at Picadilly waiting impatiently for these two people in front of me to get their food. I could not believe how many dishes they ended up with on their trays. THey wanted this and that and a lot of it. Ouuuu that looks good, I'm getting that. Here you take this one, I'll get the next one. The lady got the very last piece of Turkey in the pan. Now it was formed Turkey breast, but it was Turkey and of course, my son, who was dissing the fact earlier that this would not be real Thanksgiviing food, was next in line for Turkey... and he couldn't have any. It was what he had been waiting for all day (what??) So he opted for Mahi Mahi stuffed with lump crab meat, a treat if ever I saw one. He got dressing and gravy on the side and I don't know what all else. I got a broccoli salad, unusual for me. then a dark chicken quarter, baked. some dressing and dark gravy, some macaroni and cheese a roll and then some bread pudding. I had a jillion plates too!! I'm just like those two in front of me, just more refined!! By the time we finally got to sit down, the first three at our table had already finished eating. That gave them plenty of time for visiting. Mama couldn't keep up with the conversations at the far end of the table. Too much space between her and the other end. THe conversation went pretty well, no blood shed, so that was good. Our son, my spouse and self, my neice and nephew in law - I have to give him more of a family connection that just saying her husband, he's a nice guy, my sister and brother in law, and mama. All the local family together. My brother called earlier in the day to say hi. He was with his son and daughter in law in the Carolina's. Seemed fine there. Our grand daughter with with the other maw maw and extended family, including her mother, at least that was the plan. Will find out more about that later. THere are two yound girl cousins just a little older than the girl, visiting from out of town. She was in hog heaven on Wednesday, I could hear her squealing in the back ground. We finally got up from the table and made our way outside. My son was trying to help his Grandma with her mobility and walker, He did fine, til she had enough of his help. He took it in stride. Just shook his head. Then we were off to home. Our son soon took off with a friend for a coupld of hours. Was not inebriated when he got back. Interesting. He also did not get upset when the girl he thought he would see could not be reached by phone. He said he was content without a girl right now. We'll see. But the good news is that he wasn't on a rant or ina dark mood about not being able to see her. Thank you God.

this house is much quieter today

This house is much quieter today than yesterday. The girl is not here. She is with her other mawmaw playing with her two young girl cousins. I could hear the squeals over the phone earlier today. I miss her, but at the same time, it is good for her to be gone for a little while. You don't realize how tired you are till you have a little time to rest. My hubby and I actually went out to get a hamburger this evening. No rush to get done by a certain time to get home for the bath and medicine and tv time and playing and reading and getting ready for bed and rocking and hugging and and and....

changes

My grand daughter is 4 years old. She learned to tie her shoe laces yesterday, thanks to Paw Paw. Today she taught Carson, her sometimes boyfriend at preK. She wants to be a teacher or a nurse. She is bossy, always wants to be the leader when we are walking anywhere and has gained one pound in the last month. She has a great sense of humor and was cracking up today over something we all did after supper. I can't even remember what it was that got her going. Tomorrow she will go home from preK with her other grandmother, Maw Maw Becky and her (half) sister. I am going to pack a suitcase that says "going to Grandma's"
on the outside so her essentials will all be in one place when she leaves here. Her two cousins are coming in from Austin and she is so excited to see them again. She will spend the Holiday with that side of the family. No problem here, She needs to be with them too. Her mother will be in and out of Becky's house. Hopefully C will be satisfied with that coming and going and not get caught up in wanting to go with her. We love to have her here, but it won't hurt to have her gone for a few days. I might actually get something started and or finished. Hey, it could happen.

stitches

Do not think you can outsmart a butcher knife!! The appropriate way to hold this certain kind of knife sharpener is laying the long handle part on a counter top with the x shaped sharpener part extending over the counter into the air. Your left had goes on the handle, holding it firmly against the counter top. This also works to keep your hand away from the business end of the knife. WHile appling pressure with the left hand to the sharpener handle, grasp the dull and rusty knife in the right hand and gently place the blade into the cross of the x. PUll the knife down and away from the sharpener (and your body). Seems easy enough. It doesn't take many stikes of the blade to sharpen the blade rather nicely. So what you don't do is hold the handle in your left hand and not pay close enough attention to the fact that you may be going a little too fast... yikes what's this? I heard "Dang (not really) I need stitches!! Honey!!" Now his boy scout training did come in handy when he immediately applied pressure to the gaping wound on his thumb. Only let go long enough for me to get a peek and to apply a multi-folder pristine white Brawny paper towel to absorb any blood that continued to seep even with pressure applied. It didn't take us long to gather up the cell phone and the purse and the car keys. Let the grand daughter see the blood - her idea- and off we went to the ED. Luckily, there was not a huge throng of people waiting to be seen and we did not have to wait but a few minutes before being called back. Once the doc established the fact that stitches were in deed needed, we waited a short time for the suture tray and then we were off to the races. He only needed 4 nice big stitiches and there was only a little oozing afterwards. Of course, your thumb is only about 6 or 8 stitches across, so he got plenty for a small space. I can take the stitches out in 7 to 10 days. Be happy to, makes me feel like a nurse again.

CHristmas is coming

My granddaughter and I are making Christmas ornaments out of craft (popsicle) sticks. We are glueing them into shapes of stars and snow flakes. She is 4. She loves to glue, but would rather glue paper that sticks. Sticks have to be painted, and paper is already colored, you see. She likes to paint. We are using gold, silver and white. I bought the wrong white, though. It makes a frosty appearance on something else, doesn't cover completely, so we have to get some more. After the paint dries, we put on glue and add sprinkles of silver beads or gold sequins. She is going to give these away through out the Holiday season.

She is looking forward to her two cousins coming in from Austin. Alex and Savannah will entertain her tremendously at her other maw maw's house. I am sure she will spend the night there even if her mother elects not to. Her mom doesn't handle commotion too well these days.

We are starting to look for our Christmas books and videos. Yay. She loves CHristmas and wants everything she sees. She got mad because PawPaw would not buy a big stuffed horse she could ride on for only one dollar at Sams CLub. Hmmm, what got into him I wonder.