I am in a turmoil

I am in a turmoil. My anxiety is being directed as anger at my son. I want to shake him until his teeth rattle in the insane notion that it will actually help the situation. In a reasonable moment, I know this willnot work. At the same time, I am not reasonable. I am nuts. I seem to have forgotten all I have learned about taking care of myself, my spouse and my grandchild and letting my son roll his own hoop. The problem is that it is very hard for me to let go of trying to find some way of helping him. It is terrible to see your child suffer. He knows everything so there is nothing we can do or say that will make an impact and he continues to go down this spiraling hole that just gets worse. When I have it shoved in my face that he will never be ok, it just makes me sick. I get upset and wonder how come there is not something out there to make it better so that he can have some kind of normal life.His daughter is going to think this is how fathers act unitl she is old enough to see other people's fathers don't act this way. Then he acts like an ass and it infuriates me. His actions are dictating how I feel, which is craziness. I have had enough counseling to write a book and I turn right around and fall into the same trap again. I have to find a way to move beyond this and focus on my granddaugher and myself and the rest of my family. They don't know what to do about any of it. There is nothing they can do or say that will make this any better. I wonder if getting closer to Christmas has me on edge right now. I expect that my son will not make it through the end of the year without getting is probation revoked and being sent to prison for his 5 year sentence. His daughter would be 10 years old when he got out. FIVE YEARS without seeing him, because I do not plan on taking her where evere he is housed. She will have to be told that he is in jail because she is smart enough to know that he wouldn't just "go away" without some explanation. She will have to be told he did something bad enough that he had to go jail because he would not follow the rules made by the judge. So she will have to deal with that in some manner at the same time that she deals with her unstable mother and the fact that she is living with her grandparents. Kids already ask her why she lives with us. I hate this.