waiting on the judge

He finally got through to the judge Friday to ask for drug treatment for our son. The judge questioned if inpatient treatment was the best option since he had just had it a year ago. (durn) and thought drug court might work out better. In that case, he could continue to see his outpatient mental health provider. So I don't know if that means the judge will mandate mental health or not. He did say that having a court date already in April will speed things up. So perhpas he will stay in jail til then. He does need punishment for what he has done. If they really look at his arrest record, he can be considered a habitual offender and be given longer sentencfes, but there is no space in jail for that. The court system is bogged down with offenders and I would say that they do try to help people. I guess we need to get back with the detective or the DA or perhaps the court appointed attorney to be able to actually find out the plan.

I can't seem him going clean enough to do drug court unless he is in jail awhile. He has been a daily weed user and has quit before but always goes back. Drug court can be for as long as two years. That could give him a chance to get better, if he stays on his meds and develops some goals. He has got to change his people places and things to move on. And he has to go to some meetings and get a real sponsor or volunteer at a drug center or something.

IT'S ALWAYS WORSE THAN YOU THINK

We have been waiting for the inevitable arrest for a few days. Our son's boss called his Dad to say that he had been picked up at 3:30 at work by the detective. This much we expected. From his actions over the last few days we knew something else was going on besides what we were aware of but we did not expect him to tell us up front when he called to talk to his dad about 6pm. He had been in interrogation all that time. Seems there is lots more going on. And for the first time that I am aware of, he has provided info about some activity and people involved, including himself. You think you know how bad something is and you brace yourself against that. Then you get hit with something worse. You do indeed wonder how bad can something get? Each time you think they have gotten to the rock bottom and you find out the next time there is a deeper bottom than before. He showed remorse about his daughter, not anger about getting caught. That is new. The detective called to tell his Dad to call the Judge in the morning because he wants help with the drugs. This may be true after his actions over the weekend. We will see what the Judge thinks. I can tell you that drugs are bad, bad, bad. Combined with mental illness they are the ruination of this young man's life so far. We are told not to give up hope. I wonder how realistic that is?

Something happened.

Something has happened that has caused our son to do some soul searching. This happens about once or twice a year when a serious incident occurs. We do not know what has happened and we may not ever know the whole story. It has to do with something that happened while he was with some people this afternoon or early evening. He called his dad about 7:30 to come and pick him up from a local grocery store. The grand daughter and I had just left to attend a play with some friends, thank goodness.

When his dad got there, our son was upset and agitated, crying, sobbing actually. Incoherent at times. Certainly he had been drinking but said he had not been doing anything else. He said that he has come to realize that he doesn't have any real frineds. He had to get away from some people today that were doing what ever so that he would not be part of it because he has his own court issues coming up and he doesn't need anything else. There has to be more to it that he is not telling of course, but it must have been pretty bad for him to be this upset.

He lept out of the truck at a stop sign at one point and started running down the road. His dad got him back in side and eventually home and into the shower. He said he was sorry for all the crap he has pulled and that he really must be crazy to haave done some of this stuff. etc. He asked his dad to pray with h im. I have seen him like this and it is gut wrenching. You wonder what will happen next. His dad got him settled down and asleep before we got home.

We will see what tomorrow brings.

Charlie Brown

The girl and I went to see the local college's production of You're a Good Man Charlie Brown tonight. We met up with a co worker and her family. The girl did really well considering that we were leaving home at a time when we would normally be getting her bath and winding down for the evening. We sat in the balcony so we had great seats. The view was good, the sound was good. She seemed to enjoy it. There were some moments when she laughed out loud and some moments when she asked me what was going on. But all in all she had a good time. Her favorite was Snoopy. The guy did a good job and had quite a good voice to boot.

She took her baby with her. Wrapped in a pink flannel blanket. She looked precious. Off white panty hose, white tennies, pink cotton tiered dress, hair in two high pony tails with some hanging down too. and lets not forget her multicolored polkadot osh kosh rain jacket. She held that baby almost the whole night. Until Intermission when we left her carefully on the chair when we went to get a snack and go to the bathroom. After Intermission, she held the baby again, but was much more elongated in my lap. The shoes had to come off. She made it through the end of the show and home without a mishap. She thought we had parked too far away from the door of the theatre. But we survived. When we got home she told PawPaw about the show while he helped her change and put herself and the baby in the bed. She was alseep in no time, with no crying or carrying on. Sometimes when she is overly tired she turns into a whiny beast. Not tonight.

nervous on the phone

My grand baby's mama called yesterday. The child didn't want to talk to her mama. Later I asked her why not. She couldn't say. I asked her if she sometimes got nervous when her mama called. She nodded her head. I asked her if she thought something might happen. She said yes. I said like maybe she would put her hand through a glass window? She said yeah. I told her she was not going to do that again, but I could understand why she would be worrying about it. I told her she did not have to talk to her mama if she didn't want to, but when she did want to talk to her we could call her on the phone. This child is 4 years old and it makes her nervous to talk to her mother on the phone!!!!

confronting the beast

I want to confront the beast. What I mean is that I want to attend a meeting of some sort where the grand baby's mama will be in session so that I can bring up some of the things that have happened to her daughter due to her actions. I want to see her react. I guess I need to approach her counselor to see if they even do it that way. If there has been a family day I am unaware of it. I am not her family, but certainly represent an important part of her family. I have vengence in my heart for her. That is really not a good thing - to want her to suffer - rather than to want her to succeed. I do believe that she will have to suffer before she can succeed, but my focus seems to be on the lack of suffering she seems to have done rather than on the extensive work she will have to do to be able to succeed at this recovery.

imagination

A 4 year old uses her imagination to experiment with roles of people in power, teacher, mama, mawmaw, pawpaw, police, friend, whoever they conceive as being important or in power. The grand daughter loves to do this. One of the most common scenarios is ok mawmaw how bout you be the little sister, I be the big sister (age varies from 10 to 16 to 21). Our mama is dead. Why I say? She was sick and now she is dead. I am in charge now. I am the boss of you. OK. Get ready You are going to school. I don't want you to leave me at school. I want to go with you. No. Your job is to go to school to learn. My job is to go to work to earn money to buy you stuff. I will be back later. Now get in the car. I can drive. You have to ride in the back seat.

I was telling this to my counselor. He thought it was very interesting that the mother was dead. Dead and gone. and she was in charge now. The old stuff is gone. THe new stuff is here. And the new mama has a job and takes care of the baby. That's what mama's do, not hang around the house with their boy friend. HOORAY. She is telling me she knows the right thing to do. Even if she is miss bossy about it. The latest website I was looking at says kids her age love to be boss and take over authority, test limits, etc. She certainly is on task about that.

A day with mama

The girl spent a day with her mama on Saturday.There was a traumatic departure and she wanted to come home for a while, Then she decided she would stay and watch TV a while. Her other mawmaw said she had a restless night. On Sunday morning when she got up she told other mawmaw to call me. So of course she did call and we went over about an hour later or so later. We stayed a little while, 30 minutes, to transition, and visit with them. Other mawmaw told me the mother's long term plan is to finish her 6 months a the 3/4 house then start votech school in Avoyelles Parish. They have a certificate for drug counseling and she is thinking of taking those classes. The mama is good with people and this could be a good way to stay in recovery too. I vish her the best and we will see. That's a long time from now. This is month one after treatment and being in the house.

When I asked the girl in front of her other grandparents how her mama was she told me "She put her arm thru the glass". We all said, no she didn't in one way or another. She is fixated on that moment. Later she told me they went for a walk together. I asked if mama asked about daddy and she said no. Other Grandmother told me that the mother said she had forgotten how much work it was to take care of children and something about being to selfish and self centered before. and that she still wakes up that way and has to work on it every day. She had to walk home from work the other day and that just about did her in. Her counselor told her that she needed to suck it up and humble herself and get on with life. That she had ruined a job where she could have had anything she wanted or needed and that was in the past and this was how it is now. Her counselor is pretty tough, and that's just what she needs. Someone who can match or beat her in toughness and calling it like it is.

The mother got a one day pass from the 3/4 house today. She and her mother picked up the grand daughter on their way back to town. The girl was anxiously awaiting the arrival. We even had to call them to see how much longer they would be. SHe was grining from ear to ear when she saw her mama. I wanted to talk to her mama alone but I guess I will have to drive to the 3/4 house alone to do it, or maybe do it by mail. I called about 7 and talked to the other maw maw and she said things were going fine. She was expecting a melt down when the mother had to leave. but other than that the girl had said several times that she was spending the night there. THey were planning on taking her to church in the morning. She did say that the mother said she had forgotten how much work it was to take care of kids. Imagine that. Her mother said how do you thing Susan and I feel about that? Of course I don't know the rest of the story. About 7:30 the mother called wanting to know what I wanted to do, that the girl wanted to come home to us because her mother was leaving. The girl was clinging to her mother and whining. I said, well you just don't want to see her cry. If you leave her here she will cry too. Ask your mother what she thinks. Her mother, the other mawmaw said she thought it would be okay after the mother left and they settled her down. I haven't heard back from them so I assume it turned out all right.

It's always something

I have been saying for some time that I want to bring my grand daughter to spend the night at my neice's house. She is young, has a nice husband, a great house, a tolerant cat, and if anything should "happen" to pawpaw and me, they are who we choose to raise her. We must start making it second nature for her to stay overnight with them so as she gets older she will want to go ther. Well, don't let fate make your decisions!!. We have been a little tight on money since before Christmas, then we had two checks forged and caught the act but not after it caused overdrafts and those costs were not refunded.blah blah. So the utility bill was due. Pawpaw was going to pay it during his free time at school. Something happened at school and he didn't get to go. He went after school and guess what. They don't take credit cards at the payment office. They will in a couple of months. So we didn't have heat or lights in February. So I called the neice * ahem as she says, after first calling my mother who I know has extra space, but it got way too complicated too fast. So I called the neice. She said sure, come on. THey were so accomodating. When I picked up the girl I told her we were having a sleep over at the neice's house. She said, "WIth my friends from school?" I said no just me and you and paw paw. She decided that wasn't a real sleep over but it would be okay. We got there with our pizza and overnight stuff and had quite a good evening. I don't think we caused too much disturbance. There were no tears so that was good. She had to be told a couple of times to not do something, but that happens at home too. We had a comfortable room with a star light and a lava lamp, what could be better since the girl is really lava girl and people don't know it because we keep it quiet. She slept well and in the morning she wanted to know where the nephew in law was. He had gone up the driveway to have coffee with his mom. She said Why. I said "He goes to check on his mom and day every morning". She said. "Will he come back?" I told her sure. That seemed to satisfy her. I sat her on the counter for her to ear her oatmeal and drink a little coffee milk. Then she told me she was going to live at Tracy's house. So we had to discuss that. She is ready for a new house and she likes that one.

wheels of justice

The wheels of justice move slowly. It is estimated to take two weeks from the time a judgement is decreed until it makes the rounds of the two lawyers offices and back to the judge's office for final signature. Come on people! I am waiting for this paper. And when it is ready I will have to pay for each copy I get. As soon as the copies are ready we can begin the process of adding our grand daughter onto our insurances. Then I can get her some counseling to see how things are from an experienced educated third party. This person should be able to tell us if we are handling things correctly and if she is ok, please God, let her be ok.

a call at bedtime

I just about had my grand daughter down for the night when her mother called. My grand daughter spoke briefly to her mother, then got so hyper she was jumping on the bed, talking loudly, interrupting the conversation on the phone, tumbling around. I had to hang up to get her to settle down. Then she started crying for her mama. That kills me. She has not cried for her mother in months. She only cried for her tonight because of the time her mother called, right at bed time. Her mother will be at the ohter grand mother's home this Saturday to visit. So my grand daughter can go there and visit with her mother, sister, grandmother, grand father and uncle. I won't know for a while if she will spend the night or if I will need to go back and get her. Her mother will not be spending the night. She can leave the 3/4 house for visiting but not be away for the night yet. THis will be a well supervised visit. Her mother is not driving, no license, no insurance, so she can't take her any where.

to visit or not

Here is another week end. Should we take the girl to visit her mother or not? This is the first week end in the 3/4 house. THere was not mention from the other grandmother that they planned to go visit yesterday. I assumed they weren't going today because of the big Mardi Gras Parade and Super Bowl Game. That would prevent her dad from going but not her mom from bringing the youngest daughter. My husband said that we might consider taking the girl every other weekend but that we were not obligated to do even that. That the other grand parents should be considering taking her to visit. So we didn't go yesterday. We had a very busy day attending the long and tiring children's Mardi Gras Parade, loading up on beads and candy and twinkies, then resting, then like a crazy person, going with her to Walmart to go some shopping while pawpaw finished his nap. She did fine in Walmart, it was the ten million other people in there that got on my nerves and in my way. She loves to ride that pink horse in the lobby. She kissed it goodbye when we left. Then we came home and fixed supper and then it was bath time and bed time, so there was no time yesterday. Her Mama must have used up all her minutes for the week already because we have not heard from her either to know how she is doing or what her schedule is. I do not want to withhold the child from her mother nor do I want the appearance of doing that. At the same time, I need some kind of reassurance that this business of seeing her more often is not causing the problems at school and I won't know that untill some time from now when we have gotten a counseling appointment and been in it for a while. So I guess I am not taking her today.

a note from the teacher

Yesterday the grand child came home with quite a note from the teacher. It was not telling us what a joy she is to have in the classroom. Well, we had a sit down. Gentle, non threatening and clearly persistent with the decision that if she did not get a smiley face today, her PawPaw would go to school with her Monday and bring his wooden spoon to spank her hand if she couldn't behave. Now the grand child is sure that grown ups can not stay at school and she is going to ask Ms. Any about that to be sure. On the other had if she did get a smiley face today we would have a sit down supper inside McDonald's with the big indoor play area. WELLLLL, she got her smiley face. I was so happy. She said " and I didn't get in any trouble and I didn't get my name on the board and I took a nap". What progress. We still have to get to the bottom of why she is acting out. We will start counseling as soon as I can find a person who sees kids this young who is on our insurance list. Plan to make those calls Monday. It will take a little while to get our paperwork from the court, but it will also take a little while for an appointment.