The girls mother has surfaced

The girl's mother has surfaced again. Seems she has been at her mothers since Wednesday. I said," too bad you haven't called". She said " I haven't felt well, I have been sleeping a lot. Can I call you back, I'm right at the end of a movie" That is always a clue that A) she is not going to call back and B) she does not want to talk about the topic at hand. So of course she did not call back. WHen I told the girl her mom had been at other mawmaws for a few days, she said "Like she's gonna stay there, why didn't she come and get me?" Of course, I had no answer for her, just that her mama wanted her to go with her to family ball games and probably spend the night at other mawmaw's tomorrow. She said she would go. But she would not commit to spending the night. I told her she did not have to spend the night if she didn't want to. She said she was too sleepy to talk to her mama when asked. I hope it goes well. I will have to tell her mother that this popping in and out is not good.

You never know

We had our quilt guild meeting last night. A lady that I hold in high esteem was in attendance. She is quite elderly, sharp, funny compassionate, straight forward, and a strong Christian. She had a son in law who died of testicular cancer, so she is keen on asking me how my son is doing. When she gave me a hug out in the store and asked me I was able to tell her he is in remission, but that he was sentenced today to 5 years in prison. She said "Honey, we had someone in our family that happened to and although it was terrible at the time, he has turned out to be such a better man now. Don't give up." I felt much better hearing that coming from her. I know she meant it from the bottom of her heart and that even if it hadn't worked out well for her family member she would have told me so. AND she would have understood what we are going through. She said her mother used to say that there is no point in making someone feel worse about something that is making them feel terrible already. Her mother must have been something to behold too. I don't know how I will ever get my thanks across to her. She told me to write to him every week and it didn't matter if you said the same thing over and over, just get a letter to him to keep him informed and to let him know you still care. Encourage him to see the doctor and the psychiatrist and get on the right set of medicines so that he can think clearly and make something of himself while he has the time. She said to try to get others to write to him too, but that could be a more difficult thing to accomplish.

5 years

How do you separate yourself from someone for 5 years? My son is facing 5 years in prison. He goes to court on Feb 23 for probation violation and possession of drugs and paraphenalia. He has finally gotten to the point of no return, at least in my opinion. He Probation Officer does not want him to get an easy term even though this is his first violation. She wants the judge to revoke his probation and give him his full sentence because he has been uncooperative in his probation. This is how he rolls. He thinks he won't get caught, or that he isn't doing anything "wrong". He's only sorry when he gets caught. And amazingly he had just begun or appeared to have begun to make some changes in his life when it all went up in smoke. Not that this is bad enough, but he also has cancer, testicular cancer, he has had it since May of 08 and is currently in remission, goes to the doctor once a month and I do wonder if he will continue to go once this comes down. He plans to go this month, but I wonder if he will continue to do so if he becomes so depressed over the sentence. He has severe depression, bipolar disorder and has antisocial and or borderline personality disorders. For the past several years I have thought he would not live to see his 25th birthday, but he has made it. This is at least the 2nd if not 3rd birthday he has celebrated in jail. He has had serious problems since he was 13, but his troubles life goes back farther than that. Just not as bad. He now has a 5 year old daughter. Neither he nor the child's mother has custody of the child. We, her paternal grandparents have custody. She knows that her daddy is in jail and that he stole something. She does not seem distraught about it. She seems resigned to it. She has been able to figure out before now that he was unreliable and unpredictable. We have explained to her that he is not like other dads and that he does love her in his way. Not the same way that we love her. and that we will be here for her no matter what. We do not plan on taking her to visit him should he be gone for the duration of the sentence. We suppose we will let her write to him if she wants, or talk to him on the phone if she wants, but not make her do it. We have a niece and nephew in law who we intend to involve more in her life as time goes on too. Some normal people.

truth and consequences

We are a couple of truth tellers. We don't lie. We don't cheat on our taxes. We don't watch pirated videos. We were church goers and could be again. We try to live right and do right. We will praise our granddaughter for good, or remarkable things done. We will make a punishment appropriate for a 5 year old if she does something that needs punishment. Most of the time that would be time out with discussion., no TV, take away some fun item, etc. On a rare occassion she might get a swat on the butt or legs if she goes out of control. The point being that good behavior is expected and appreciated and bad behavior is punished.

We have turned our son in for theft in the past (long story if you aren't familiar). We expect a person to have a punishment that fits the "crime". Our son is on probation for 5 years for a number of charges including theft from us. We have never expected him to make it the full five years of his probation without getting in trouble again, violating probation it is called. He has a probation officer who appears to take his problems of mental illness and cancer into consideration, but still expects him to adhere to the rules and be a good citizen while on probation. A few days ago, he violated his probation. As far as we know he did not commit any crimes against another person, just against himself, such as drinking, being in the company of another felon, possession of paraphenalia and drugs, which of course he doesn't see as much of a problem at all. After all, he is a grown man and he can drink if he wants to, hang out with his friends and that stuff is old and not even his, he isn't using. He is getting ready for his girlfriend to come home so they can have a life together. He has even been looking for a job at a place or two. So he is in hopes that he will only be given the usual 90 day first time violators sentence when he goes to court.

WHen our grand daughter was much younger we told her that her Daddy was away at work when he was in jail. We felt she was just too young for it. She is not too young now. I fretted over how she would react, not wanting to give her adult worries about something that she could do nothing about. PawPaw and my two strongest confidants at work were all in agreement to tell her and not to lie to her, especially given the chance that someone else would let it slip out or purposely tell her to be mean. So we told her. She took it well it the way it was done, calmly and simply. She wanted to know how long he would be gone. I told her probably till the summer. She processed this for a few seconds then asked if she could go off to play with the dog, feeding him yogurt actually. A little later she came to me weeping for her mother, missing her. I asked if was because of her dad, she said no I just want my mama. She has not done that in weeks. I was unable to contact her mother since her phone is not working. It took a little time and cuddling to get over the hump but in a little while, she was back to her normal self. We all seem to be surviving. Our hope is that this is the last time we go through this, It could happen.