the best thing

The 5 year old went on her end of the year field trip yesterday on a big bus with a bathroom on it, to a fantastic pizza place an hour and half away. They had go carts. where she won a first place ribbon for driving, miniature golf, all kinds of games, a roller coaster, a huge buffet, a variety of places to eat, she ate in the movie theater and watched Old Yeller. I asked her what was the best part of the whole day. She said that her mom was there. Mom. What a concept. Too bad she's not around enough for the child to be able to enjoy the big fun days for what they are.

the flip

Last week, Mother's day, the 5 year old's Mother was no where to be found. She had left upset with the boy friend because she wasn't going to be able to see one of her kids, or so she says. Her mother saw the child for at least 3 hours later in the day. So she leaves her other two kids to themselves without so much as a call. She doesn't call all week. We assume she is with the boy friend at his current out of town job. She calls Friday night like nothing has occurred. I question her, she says let me talk to the 5 year old and then I will talk to you. She talks to her daughter, and is asked, when are you coming to see me, where have you been? I miss you. She tells her that she will be here to go with her to the out of town field trip next week. We'll see. She gives the phone back to me. She tells me that she has been very busy trying to get a place to live, working on the internet while out of town. I asked her if she wasn't working any more. She said she wasn't going to work this summer but was going to keep the boy friend's child and HER KIDS this summer. I wonder how she thinks that will happen. She goes on to say what a horrible Mother's Day she had and how she had to get away. That she lost it. That she just could not take not seeing her child on mother's day. having to ask to see her children when she has done everything she was supposed to do for the past 18 months and is still no better off that she was when she started out. I told her that she had to get some counseling and that she could get it at the VOA for free or for very cheap with her diagnosis. She says she has an appointment there on Tuesday. We'll see. She has no idea how what she does and how she lives looks from the outside looking in. She is so scattered and inconsistent. Up and down. Here and gone. I don't care if she keeps her boy friends child, but she is not keeping the 5 year old at their house. She has to have supervision at her mothers overnight from now on. No sneaking in night a her friends like she has done.

no mother's day

On Mother's Day, even a 5 year old expects to see her estranged mother, wants to give her a card and a present and prance around and say "I picked it out." But, alas, the mother is so wrapped up in herself that she denied the child the opportunity to do any of those things for her. Her LOSS. I hope she feels it some day. The child was able to see her other grandmother and grandfather, her (half) sister and (half) brother and have a great time playing for a couple of hours. When the absent mother did call and spoke to the brother, she did not speak to the 5 year old or to the sister. Seems this whole abscenteeism started because she said the 3rd grandmother told her she would not be able to see her son on Mother's Day. She got upset and had the boy friend come and pick her up and they went out of town to see his mother. A few hours later, the 3rd grandmother called to say that the boy could come and visit. His grandmother said of course he can come. So when we got there to visit, all three kids were together on half siblings day instead of mother's day. There is also the issue that has come out through discussion with the 5 year old's other grandmother that her mother got upset when I let the 5 year old spend the night with my neice and nephew. When the arrangements were initally made, I did not realize it was Mother's Day weekend, but it did not matter since she would be available for visiting at the same time as if we had been to church. I can not count on absent mother to be in the right place on the weekend to visit with her daughter. So I did what I thought was best for the child.Which of course didn't go over well with her mother because she was not in the center of attention. The child did not understand why her mother wasn't home and when I told her she was with her boyfriend she told me "Mama would rather be with him than me". Sad, but true. I had explained how her mother and daddy are alot alike in that they are selfish and want to do for themselves first. She is learning too many life lessons too soon.