the best thing

The 5 year old went on her end of the year field trip yesterday on a big bus with a bathroom on it, to a fantastic pizza place an hour and half away. They had go carts. where she won a first place ribbon for driving, miniature golf, all kinds of games, a roller coaster, a huge buffet, a variety of places to eat, she ate in the movie theater and watched Old Yeller. I asked her what was the best part of the whole day. She said that her mom was there. Mom. What a concept. Too bad she's not around enough for the child to be able to enjoy the big fun days for what they are.

the flip

Last week, Mother's day, the 5 year old's Mother was no where to be found. She had left upset with the boy friend because she wasn't going to be able to see one of her kids, or so she says. Her mother saw the child for at least 3 hours later in the day. So she leaves her other two kids to themselves without so much as a call. She doesn't call all week. We assume she is with the boy friend at his current out of town job. She calls Friday night like nothing has occurred. I question her, she says let me talk to the 5 year old and then I will talk to you. She talks to her daughter, and is asked, when are you coming to see me, where have you been? I miss you. She tells her that she will be here to go with her to the out of town field trip next week. We'll see. She gives the phone back to me. She tells me that she has been very busy trying to get a place to live, working on the internet while out of town. I asked her if she wasn't working any more. She said she wasn't going to work this summer but was going to keep the boy friend's child and HER KIDS this summer. I wonder how she thinks that will happen. She goes on to say what a horrible Mother's Day she had and how she had to get away. That she lost it. That she just could not take not seeing her child on mother's day. having to ask to see her children when she has done everything she was supposed to do for the past 18 months and is still no better off that she was when she started out. I told her that she had to get some counseling and that she could get it at the VOA for free or for very cheap with her diagnosis. She says she has an appointment there on Tuesday. We'll see. She has no idea how what she does and how she lives looks from the outside looking in. She is so scattered and inconsistent. Up and down. Here and gone. I don't care if she keeps her boy friends child, but she is not keeping the 5 year old at their house. She has to have supervision at her mothers overnight from now on. No sneaking in night a her friends like she has done.

no mother's day

On Mother's Day, even a 5 year old expects to see her estranged mother, wants to give her a card and a present and prance around and say "I picked it out." But, alas, the mother is so wrapped up in herself that she denied the child the opportunity to do any of those things for her. Her LOSS. I hope she feels it some day. The child was able to see her other grandmother and grandfather, her (half) sister and (half) brother and have a great time playing for a couple of hours. When the absent mother did call and spoke to the brother, she did not speak to the 5 year old or to the sister. Seems this whole abscenteeism started because she said the 3rd grandmother told her she would not be able to see her son on Mother's Day. She got upset and had the boy friend come and pick her up and they went out of town to see his mother. A few hours later, the 3rd grandmother called to say that the boy could come and visit. His grandmother said of course he can come. So when we got there to visit, all three kids were together on half siblings day instead of mother's day. There is also the issue that has come out through discussion with the 5 year old's other grandmother that her mother got upset when I let the 5 year old spend the night with my neice and nephew. When the arrangements were initally made, I did not realize it was Mother's Day weekend, but it did not matter since she would be available for visiting at the same time as if we had been to church. I can not count on absent mother to be in the right place on the weekend to visit with her daughter. So I did what I thought was best for the child.Which of course didn't go over well with her mother because she was not in the center of attention. The child did not understand why her mother wasn't home and when I told her she was with her boyfriend she told me "Mama would rather be with him than me". Sad, but true. I had explained how her mother and daddy are alot alike in that they are selfish and want to do for themselves first. She is learning too many life lessons too soon.

absent mother

This absent mother business is so tiresome. She has been so busy she just has not had time to call to check on her daughter. I wish she would just give it up sometimes. What would be happening if she was working everyday and coming home to take care of the youngest one by herself? Would she get her fed and bathed on time? Or would she be moaning and groaining about trying to do things "by herself" like she used to do? I wonder. She happened to mention that she was back at her mother's. Seems that the boyfriend has gotten work in Alabama so she can't stay at his mother's house while he is gone. She can not settle down. She was beside herself yesterday evening telling me she was trying to get in a house and having to help the boyfriend with a ride because his truck broke down on the way back from Alabama. She is so wrapped up in her own drama that she just lets this one ride. There was so much going on during the phone call she couldn't keep up with what she was telling me. She always says she will call back and then she doesn't. She blows some smoke about all the exciting things she will do with her daughter the next time they are together, and she falls for it. But later she will tell me something like "If she comes to get me, cause Mama lies".

adventures

The girl has has some adventures during the school holiday. The most exciting one was going to a horse farm to help PawPaw shovel manure into the truck. Of course she also got to hold baby kittens and ride on a beautiful big horse and go around the barrels. She was in hog heaven. They were at the home of a co worker of PawPaw's and he was getting material to improve his garden. It worked out great for all involved. Another thing they have done is go to the eye doctor. One of the rooms they were in has an entire wall of mirror. She was able to perform quite well in that room. She has learned to put eye drops in. She will make a good doctor or nurse when she is older. They have dug in the back yard and put up little flags to mark off the garden area. They have found worms and rollie pollies. She has learned to turn a flip on the trampoline without having her head touch the mat. She taught me how to use one of the games in her video system and when I wasn't very good at it to start with she patted me and told me I would get better with practice.

Just checking

Mr grand daughter is with her mother this afternoon. She was supposed to be picked up at 11. It happened at 2. Mama "overslept" She had a date last night. Any way, after the girl and been with her mother for a couple of hours she called my cell phone just to check on me. I think it is a survival tactic on her part, just to make sure we are still here, even if things are going ok where she is. We chatted a while, she told me what was going on and what she had been doing, what she had for lunch and so forth, then had me talk to her mama for a minute. Mama said she would call me back, That won't happen most likely. They will just show up later on. Mama is sort of avoiding being alone with me or on the phone with me because she knows I am not done asking her some questions...ok, giving her the third degree...is another way of putting it. She has been ignoring her kids and her parents for several days now... and from the conversation we had she has had time to do other things so she has had time to call and at least just check on them, but has elected not to do so for what ever reason. Now today, something has made her call her family and she has found out that her father is having some kind of surgery tomorrow. She was rather put out that she didn't know about it until today. I said maybe you should call more often.. . Off she went, to her grandmothers, so again, i didn't get to talk to her. She needs something she is not getting and I don't know how to guide her, or if she would accept the guidance. She won't be still long enough to really listen to a conversation.

growing up

My grand daughter has taken to going to her room by herself for periods of time. She watches tv, torments the cat, plays with her dog or does what she does. Some times she comes out to see what we are doing or to ask me to come see something. She also storms to her room if she gets mad at us. She has tried sleeping in her own bed a few times, but she comes back to us for the sleeping part. She will probably continue that for a while and transition to her own bed in time. She is growing up she told me so. She likes to watch what we watch on tv, not just kid shows.

Her mother called for the first time in two weeks. Said she had been working nights. She talked to Chloe, I don't know what was said, I was at a meeting and CHloe didn't have anything to say about the call. I will try to check out the situation today.